previously on Dumbgeons and Dragons.
I mean, I think I have a million, you know? Like, what do I need to do? Where do I need to go? What skills do I need to have before I go there?
How much experience do you have with conflict?
I've barely been in an argument.
Your calling or your goals could be upholding the values of Bahamut. Decisions might cause you to go against what Bahamut would believe to be correct.
Oh, Sirma, I'm totally confident that Bahamut's gonna show me exactly what I need to do.
You know what? Walk with me.
Ooh, walk and talk. I love these.
Put yourself back on that night. You see old members pull a large blade and go to attack this woman.
Mom!
There was a man who studied almost too much into wild magics of the world. His name is Gabriel.
Go hang out around the House of Knowledge to find Gabriel.
We will see you again soon, Bahamut.
Welcome to Dumbgeons and Dragons. We're a D&D 5th edition actual play podcast and I'm your dungeon master Russ More and with me today is Karla Johnson.
Hey, that's me. I play Glim. I am a dragonborn pAlydin.
And Amy More.
Yep, that's me. And I play a lightfoot halfling rogue named Sullivan Sleight or Sully.
And Tom Laird.
That's me. I play a half-orc wild magic sorcerer named Moot.
You just like saying his name last.
It does have a certain cadence to it.
Yeah, it's final, right?
I mean, usually.
It's a last of three.
I was trying to mix it up a little bit. I got halfway there. Two thirds of the way there.
There you go.
Math is hard.
I know math.
Fractions are difficult.
I'm a dungeon master. I don't need to know math. Wait a second.
Wait a minute. There's so much math in this game.
Not in these last two episodes.
No, I have my dice all set up super nice. All with their big numbers up.
Putting out positive things into the atmosphere.
I'm trying to vibe my dice.
Fair enough.
It's better than when you were constantly nagging your dice.
Let's see if this works better.
She was getting them down is what was happening.
I don't even know how to nag. I know what it is,
but I can't for the life of me think of an example of it.
Of nagging?
Negging.
Oh, negging.
Russ doesn't even know what negging is. Look at his face.
That's like when a dude would go up to like an attractive girl or part and be like,
I normally don't like chicks with big noses, but you're great.
Like, yeah, come on, man.
But it kind of makes you feel special at the same time.
It's disgusting.
Yeah, no, I don't like this at all.
It's a thing.
Where there's no negging, Patreon.com slash dumb dragon cast.
No negging allowed.
Only positiving.
Positiving.
No, wait, that means like, that's already a word.
Maybe you pause the episode, you come back to it.
Maybe that's something.
You also get an episode dedicated to you
when you're a patron of Dumbgeons and Dragons.
And today's episode is dedicated to Melanie Patterson.
Yay, thanks Melanie.
Thanks Melanie.
Thank you.
You can join us at Patreon.com slash dumb dragon cast.
And now fuck it.
Let's play D&D.
Glim.
Yes.
You have spent a long day sparring and reading books.
What kind of reading were you doing?
Yeah, kind of like travel logs of Faerun
because I haven't really ever been anywhere
nor have I even really traveled.
So I don't even really like know the basic concepts
of how that works.
But now I do because I read some books about it.
And then also maybe some like kind of religious texts.
But I think like Glim was really raised
like hardcore into Bahamut.
So I think her like spiritual knowledge is pretty good.
It's just her like real world knowledge
that's pretty lacking.
She hasn't had much experience in the world
except her very protected little enclave
where she grew up.
So yeah, learning about traveling
and about the different places
and maybe even about different races
because she's seen some like
she was mostly dragonborn people
where she is from though.
But she hasn't seen much of the world
and honestly didn't have a ton of interest in it.
You know, she wasn't like striving
to go on an adventure until she heard
that the world might be ending
and then thought she might do something about it.
You're in the chapel
and you're taking in some of these books.
Sirma comes in with a bowl of soup
and a roll and hands it to you
and says she's learning some good things.
She looks at some of the books
and it's the Faerun equivalent
of talking to people for dummies.
Like how to win friends and influence people.
But the fantasy version of that
which is like how to win friends and influence.
Creatures?
I don't know.
Yeah. Yeah, I like that.
That's good.
And she hands you the food.
Thank you, Sirma.
I feel anxious to get going
but I don't...
Should I stay?
What else do I need to learn here?
There is one other thing
that we should probably do.
We'll likely do it in the morning
and then you would be on your way.
Well, like I said,
go into town, find a caravan for you
and send you off to Neverwinter
where hopefully you'll meet up
with your new companions.
In the morning we will pray together
and call to Bahamut to bestow power upon you
to get you started on your quest.
Sirma, are there any other people here?
I've just been spending time with you
but I thought that first day...
I guess, gosh, it was only yesterday.
It feels like it's been so long.
There was a man.
Are there other people here
that I might have something I need to learn from?
No. No.
I'm the only one who lives here permanently.
Sometimes people do come through.
If I recall, there was a gentleman
who had stopped in earlier that day,
a traveling gentleman,
but I have not seen him since yesterday.
But sometimes travelers through the forests,
they stop in for a moment of respite.
But nobody else lives here other than myself.
Well, thank you for bringing me dinner
and unless there's something else you need me to do,
I'm happy to just keep reading and studying
and thinking about maybe getting on my way tomorrow.
Of course.
I will leave you to it and meet me here
and we will say a word and then send you on your way.
Okay, so yeah, I'm just going to keep reading.
The night rolls on.
Do you stay up super late reading or do you kind of...
I don't think so.
I want to get a good solid sleep
before I head off on my adventure.
You do that.
You've gained a whole ton of knowledge
from all these new books.
You have a great sleep
because you got your butt kicked by Sirma,
war picking, but you feel like you're doing better.
And you wake up the next morning,
a new fresh bowl of warm oatmeal
and water is left on your table
and all of your things have been laid out for you.
Sirma's so sneaky, always like,
how she get in there with that oatmeal?
She's very light-footed.
Okay, well, I guess I like gather up my things
of which there is not a ton,
but including like that shield that was there
that first day and the war pick.
And yeah, I go find Sirma.
You go walk into the chapel.
She is doing busy work kind of tidying up
up at the front.
And she turns and sees you walk in.
She says, oh, a good sleep, I hope.
I did, I'm nervous, but I'm excited.
I feel ready to go find these other parts of my soul
that are just out there
and they're going to help me on my mission.
You're so cute.
I love it.
I'm going to miss this energy around here.
Yes, it looks like you're ready.
Put down your things, come up here
and we'll say a quick word before we go.
So I put down all my stuff and then, you know,
approach the altar, I guess,
is where she is kind of up at the front there.
She ushers you to sit down at a step down front.
She sits down with you and she says,
she shouldn't hurt, shouldn't hurt at all.
And she lowers her head and kind of folds her hands
and begins speaking soft and low.
What do you do?
I think I will like reach into my pocket
and pull out that like my symbol
and hold it in my hands
and then also just like close my eyes.
And if is she speaking loudly enough
that I can hear her or she is?
Yeah, she is.
Okay, then I don't have a specific speech.
Speech preferred.
We'll do something in the background.
Just general communing with the Lord, you know.
Yeah, you got it.
But yeah, I'm like in it.
Eyes closed, like sunk into the moment.
Definitely.
The speaking goes on for a little while
and you begin to hear her start repeating
a pattern in the way she's speaking
and you feel yourself begin to say
the same phrases that she is saying.
It goes around for a few times
and then you begin to feel a warmth like sunlight
shine down on you.
You hear the sound of very distinct birdsong.
Very similar to the day
that you walked into the chapel.
You don't feel the need to open your eyes
at this point but you feel this
warm energy kind of embrace you and sink into you.
Your prayer goes on for a little while longer
until everything kind of calms down a little bit
and you open your eyes and Sirma is standing before you
and she says, how did that feel?
It felt wonderful.
It felt like warmth filling me up.
Good, good.
I'd like you to try something formal.
Okay.
She goes into her room and comes out with a birdcage
and inside is a wounded bird.
It looks like it had its wing broken.
She says, I would like you to hold this bird
and try to channel in your own way
the energy that you felt while in prayer.
So I take the bird in my hands
and close my eyes like I did when we were praying
and I concentrate on Bahamut
and try and like feel the power of him moving through me.
The warmth begins to come back and you can kind of
feel it start in your chest
and it begins to move out through your arms
and into your hands and into this bird.
You open your hands and you look down at the bird
and it begins flapping its wings,
slow at first and then quicker and it takes flight.
Did I, did I, did I do that, Sirma?
She smiles at you and she says, yes, yes, you did.
Yes, yes, you did.
It appears that the call to Bahamut has worked
and you are ready to begin your quest.
You have the ability to do that in times of need
but it requires a significant rest in order to do it again.
We should go to town and find you a caravan
and get you to never winter.
Okay, let's go.
I pack up, you know, I throw my pack back on my shoulders
and pick up my stuff and I'm ready.
She grabs a small satchel and you set out into the woods
to the next town where she arranges with a caravan heading out
carrying some different fabrics and different spices
and arranges for your travel with them.
And she says, you are always welcome back here as you know.
I mean, your mothers are still here.
You would probably go there first but if you ever need assistance
this is a place of safety for you if you ever need.
Thank you, Sirma.
I'll see you again.
Of course.
You climb aboard one of the wagons and the caravan sets off
and Sirma kind of watches you and the caravan leave
and then turns back and walks back towards the forest.
Sully, you were put back into your cell.
Officer Tangrin turns and walks back towards the door.
Murph says, what was that about?
Oh, it was just meeting the warden.
Nice, nice.
Yeah, she was okay.
Okay, what's she getting out?
Like, what are you talking about here?
Well, I told her I don't even know how I got here.
And there's no way I was stealing so beneath me.
And I'm so small and all her guards are so big.
How the hell did one of her guards end up in the infirmary?
It all just doesn't add up.
Seems kind of shady business.
I have no recollection of coming here.
I don't like that.
I like to know what I do.
Well, I mean, they did bring you in and you were knocked out
so I figured you got into some kind of altercation.
See, I fell asleep in the high forest and woke up here.
That's a long ways away.
Whatever in between happened, I'm not aware of it.
Shit, you don't think it was magic, do you?
What do you mean?
Well, I don't know.
It's just a long way to go.
I mean, it is a long way to go, but why would somebody use magic on you?
I don't know.
Okay.
We all have a past, you know.
Sure.
Yeah.
What's your past?
I was a fisherman.
How'd you get here?
Like I said previously, they thought I was selling, you know,
some subpar goods for higher prices than otherwise would have been thought fair.
I disagreed with them.
They put me here.
Have you talked to the warden?
No, not yet.
I haven't really felt the need yet.
I was hoping for some counterpart here to try and, you know, maybe sneak out,
but I don't think you could do that.
I see what you're doing.
I'm not doing anything.
You are.
You're nagging me.
I could get out of here if I wanted to.
Yeah.
Yeah, but I need a competent partner.
I don't see one of those around here, unfortunately.
That's unfortunate.
You know what?
Usually I don't hang out and plot and conspire with fishermen,
but there's just something about you.
Well, you know, I'm just trying to get back to my hometown.
Where's that?
Burriff Earth.
Far from here?
Yeah, it's just south down the Sword Coast,
kind of between Waterdeep and Baldur's Gate, a little set of islands there.
It's real nice.
Sorry.
So that's a long ways.
Yeah, yeah.
Fishermen have a boat.
Travel's easy.
Where are you looking to go?
Well, you know, it's not too bad in here, to be honest with you,
but I'm just I'm just looking to, you know, regularize my life.
What?
Yeah, you know,
just like standardize my living situation.
You know, maybe get a
one of those, you know, like thing like, you know,
earn money in a productive way to with society and, you know, maybe
like, I don't know, like nobody knows me or something that,
you know, that kind of stuff.
Yeah, like regular Joe in it.
You talk a lot.
She's kind of in circles.
Yeah.
Okay.
So you're you're meeting with the warden.
She's obviously not letting you out.
Oh, no.
Yeah.
Ms.
Ma'am.
Meow meow is not a kid to be trifled with.
Her name is Ms.
Ma'am.
Meow meow.
Wow.
Yeah, I laughed.
It might not be it might not have been my finest moment.
May not have done anything to to win to win her over.
But she's just a real big cat in a chair.
And the fact that there was anything on her desk at all blew my mind.
Sounds like she's got it all under control in there.
She did say she'd see what she could do for me, but.
Oh, wow.
Never trust a fat cat.
Is that what they say?
Where are you from?
Oh, yeah.
Where are you from?
Oh, all right.
He said that you weren't paying attention.
That's insultful.
Sorry for being so insultful.
No, that's fine.
Hey, what's your plan to get out of here?
Well, I mean, we need something to get out of here with.
I they took all my stuff, obviously.
I procure a fork.
Where'd you get a fork from?
Same place I got that cup from.
OK, have you ever heard of keistering?
So it's up your butt is what you're saying.
Yeah.
OK, you have heard of keistering.
Yeah, I mean, obviously.
Why would you keister a fork?
I thought maybe you'd have more questions about the cup, but whatever.
I'm done with questions about the things.
OK, so can you get us out?
Why else would you keister a fork?
He said you needed something.
I'm trying to wrap my brain around why in the first place,
before you knew you were going to be put in jail,
before you knew you were going to wake up in the high forest,
you would put a fork up your butt.
We're trying to be friends here.
Right.
Yeah, and I need a little state of, you know,
know the mindset of the accomplice that I'm trying to acquire here.
OK, listen, I'm a teenager.
I make poor choices.
I see that.
So can you use it to open something?
I don't want to touch that.
Well, it's been washed.
I will.
Where?
You just took it out of your butt.
No, not just right now.
Not in front of you.
That's ridiculous.
What did you wash it with?
Toilet water.
You mean the bucket?
Yeah.
He looks in his.
He's like, I don't see any water in mine.
Mine came with what?
The door to your area opens and officer walks back in and he's like, OK,
yeah, small one.
Yeah, you.
That's offensive.
Sully.
All right, yeah.
Warden wants to see you again.
Where'd you get that fork?
I'm sorry.
I handed it to him.
He takes it.
OK, let's go.
I put my hands.
I don't want to talk about it.
I put my hands through the breath.
He cuffs you and opens the gate and ushers you back down the hallway as you walk out
the door.
Merv.
Am I walking past Merv?
Yep.
I drop quickly dropped like a knife down through my pant like and onto the floor.
Make a stealth roll.
Oh, yeah.
Stealth, man.
If this is happening.
Unless you're are you trying to be stealthy about or are you just dropping
a knife out of your pant?
No, I'm going to be sneaky.
OK.
Stealth roll.
A slight of butt is not a check.
21.
Whoa.
It it you feel it kind of fall down your pant leg and it hits the top of your shoe
and kind of slides down onto the floor, making nary a sound and kind of brushes up
against the side bars there.
Doesn't appear that the officer has noticed as he kind of gives you a shove as you
continue to walk back down the hall into the warden's door.
Unless you do anything in particular different walking down that hall,
you make your way back.
He opens the door and Ms.
Ma'am Meow-Meow is sitting at her desk and she says, yes, yes, yes, come in,
come in, come in.
Take off, take off those shackles too.
We can take those off.
Oh, thank you, Ms.
Ma'am Meow-Meow.
That's like super, super nice of you.
Yeah.
He undoes the shackles and kind of you you're able to walk freely inside.
And I do.
And I like swing my arms very purposely.
Is there something wrong with your arms?
Oh, no, I just love the feeling of them not being so close to each other.
Of course, of course.
I understand.
You hear the door close behind you and you walk back over to her desk
and laid out on her desk are all of your items.
Hey, these look familiar.
Yeah, yeah, they're yours.
Actually, right now, Ms.
Ma'am Meow-Meow, they're yours.
Good, good answer.
Good answer.
So you told me that you would never steal.
What would someone who never steals need with this?
And she opens your bag and dumps it out.
And there's a set of thieves tools and ball bearings,
various other implements of break and or enter.
Dagger, your quiver, your short bow, your hole.
Oh, King Kaboodle.
Yeah.
All right.
Well, Ms. Ma'am Meow-Meow, I can see how this would look very damning
if you didn't know what they were used for.
Tell me, tell me what were they used for?
Ma'am, with these tools, I broke people out of the capture
or a clause of the Cult of the Dragon.
Oh, the Cult of the Dragon.
You've had run ins with them.
Unfortunately, many.
So you broke people out, but it would just it would be
unbecoming of you to ever try to steal something and be caught for it.
Absolutely.
I pride myself on being a fairly, averagely honest person.
Make a persuasion or a deception check, whichever you're trying to do.
A Dersuasion check.
You got it.
Well, that's not good.
It's only an 11.
I something tells me that you're not telling me all of the truth.
Ma'am, I am not a bad person.
Bad person?
I never said you were a bad person.
Thieves stealing for the sake of stealing to harm others.
Look, you stole something.
What did I steal?
Did you find it on me?
Yes.
That's why you were brought here.
You stole food.
You stole clothing.
You stole many things and then attacked an officer.
The blood is still on the dagger.
Was I walking around just with like this big ass sack?
Just being like, and one of these, and one of these.
Like, ma'am.
You're in a set of trouble here, Sully.
Obviously.
If we don't-
I can agree on that.
If you don't come clean, something terrible could happen.
You've assaulted an officer.
That's very serious crime.
Is there a witness?
There's a whole market full of witnesses.
Well, fuck.
Was I drugged?
I don't know.
Were you on drugs?
No.
Was I drugged?
That's different than being on drugs.
How would I know if you were drugged?
Well, because I don't do the drugs.
So if I had been drugged, that would explain my lack of knowledge.
I was not in my own right mind.
Those actions were not of my own.
What if I was given some sort of drug that made me malleable in my mind hole?
What if somebody whispered whisperies in my ear
and made me do things that I otherwise wouldn't have done?
Am I at fault for that?
I think there's someone out there.
We gotta-
We gotta go after them, Ms. Meow Meow.
I've heard a lot of stories in my time.
This is a new one.
This is the best one?
This is a good one.
Look, you seem like a good kid.
I want to do you a favor.
I would like that very much.
Good.
I'm gonna need something in return.
But I need to know that you can use these tools that are laid out here
as you say they are your possessions.
I'm verily proficient in the tools you see.
For good.
So we have a deal, then?
What can I give for you?
You name it.
You name it, as long as it's for good.
It is for good.
Okay.
There is a certain higher-up
who carries a ledger on him
in his belongings.
He's going to be away dealing with the battle
with the Cult of the Dragon.
And I need that ledger.
I need someone who is unknown in the region.
Yeah, okay.
I'll do it.
Perfect.
Would you like to make any requests as to what happens to you after you do it?
Oh, well, yeah, I just kind of assumed that we'd be square.
That'd be super cool.
You know what else would be super cool?
It'd be super cool if my buddy Merv downstairs.
I need a partner.
And you want a fisherman?
You know what?
His proficiency with tying knots comes in handy way more than you think.
Fair enough.
Well, I'll think on the Merv thing.
He's Mervalicious.
He's Mervalous.
You will get some of these some of these back in order to do what you need to do.
And then the rest once you're done.
Sound fair?
Yeah, half now, half later.
I dig it.
Fair enough.
Which ones do you think you would need to break into a reasonably well-fortified establishment?
Well, I'm definitely going to need the old
lockpicking tools there.
Yeah, that'd be real good.
Half the ball bearings.
Probably don't need all of them.
Crowbar just to be safe.
I wouldn't mind having my cloak back.
That'd be pretty neat.
I just always feel a lot sneakier with the hood up.
You know how it is.
Half of it's just how you feel.
And if I could have my dagger back, just in case.
Oh, hold on a second.
Someone comes up on me, right?
What do you want me to do?
Why would anybody come up on you?
You said you're sneaky and can get in and out, yes?
Well, fuck yeah.
But I mean, if someone literally comes up on me, things happen, Miss Miamia.
Let's just say a second count of stabbing another
potential officer might go down poorly in your books.
Cool.
All right.
I might not be able to pull as many strings if you do something like that.
So maybe the dagger stays with me.
Okay.
Well, then I'm going to need a stick of incense.
Why?
Because I may need to improvise.
Okay.
And I'll need my flask of oil.
Just one of them.
Should be good.
You gather up the things that you say you need.
And she says, where you need to go is Castle Never.
Castle Never.
Yeah.
The office you need to enter and acquire a specific ledger
is Lord Dagult Neverember's office.
Lord Dingle.
Lord Dagult Neverember.
He's the lord of the region.
You're new here, right?
I forget.
Well known across Faerun.
You might have heard of him.
And I'm stealing it from the Castle Nevernever?
The Castle Never.
All right.
Okay.
So I'm going to go to the Lord Castle Neverever.
Lord Dinglehopper Neverember.
And I'm going to take his ledger.
Yeah.
You know what?
Having Merv with me is probably going to be a real good idea.
If even just to get me to the right place.
That's fair.
All right.
You can have Merv.
Cool.
He's old.
He ain't going, you know, he won't go anywhere.
All right.
I'll return him in one piece maybe if I don't have to sacrifice him for the cause you understand.
Yes, of course.
You, so you're gathering your things into like a bag there or a satchel or?
Yes.
I ask if I can have a satchel.
Just your butt.
Excuse me.
Episode three.
How long did it take Amy to mention stuff up her butt?
Three episodes, folks.
That's how long it's a new record.
New record as far as I think it was day one.
Last time we played round restraint.
We have restraint.
We do.
We need that if you're going to use it.
You put everything into your satchel.
And she says we will give this to you when you when you leave.
Oh, man.
Oh, wait.
Can I take this string too?
Just a little bit of string.
You can have some of it.
Just dangle it in front of her.
Yeah, there you go.
She lifts her hand and then uses her other hand to put it back down and shakes her head.
No, no.
Give me the satchel.
We'll give it to you on your way out and we'll arrange for Merv to come with you.
Lord Neverember is supposed to be leaving Neverwinter.
Not Faerun.
Leaving Neverwinter in approximately a day.
Once we have heard word that he is gone, we will allow you to go and procure the ledger.
Sound fair?
Very fair, ma'am.
Wonderful.
You're just you're amazing.
Thank you.
I do deep bow.
No, you don't need to do that.
Okay, that's fine.
That's fine.
I will see you in a day or so, whenever.
Guard.
And the officer comes back in, take this one back to get back to his cell.
Piggyback this time.
He puts the shackles on you and pushes you through the door.
You get back to your cell and you see Merv.
He watches you walk in.
The knife is still where it was previously.
And the officer leaves.
Hey, Merv.
How many more things you got up your butt?
Lost count.
Hey, Merv.
Freaking weird.
Hey, listen.
You want out of here or no?
What do you mean?
Well, I have a mission and I'm going to need a little bit of help.
And I suggested that no one would be more qualified than my BFF, Merv.
What's your mission?
I steal something from Dinglehopper Never Never.
What?
From who?
Yes, he lives in the Never Castle.
He is some...
Lord Dagult Neverember.
That's what I said.
From Castle Never.
Yes.
You're going to try to steal something from Castle Never.
No.
From specifically Lord Dagult Neverember.
No.
What do you mean no?
I'm not going to try.
I'm going to do it.
What do you have to steal?
A ledger.
What's a ledger?
I didn't want to ask.
Didn't want to look stupid.
It's a book.
Oh, cool.
It's not at all what I thought.
Okay.
It's a book.
It usually has like...
Pages?
Oh, okay.
Yeah.
All right.
Cool.
You in?
Sure.
Okay.
Yeah.
Awesome.
Great.
I'm not a thief.
I'm a fisherman.
Hey, I'm not a thief.
You watch your mouth.
Interlude, interlude.
It's something that we need right now.
Welcome to the interlude.
That's our theme song by Amy this week.
You're welcome.
And we just want to let you know that we've got that sweet,
sweet contest going on where you can enter to win the Ghosts of Saltmar still.
What do you got to do Carla?
Well, you need to tell people how much you like us.
Sort of.
By sharing an episode.
Or the post that we have.
Or the post that we have on the Facebook page, yeah.
Yeah, that post works great.
You share that.
Give a little comment there because privacy and stuff,
I can't exactly see who shares,
but if you comment and say you shared it,
I'll believe you and you're entered to win.
It's a trust thing, you guys.
And on Twitter.
Trust exercises.
With the hashtag DumbDragonCast.
There we go.
Any episode you like.
And say, you know, why you like it.
Or don't like it.
Maybe share one that you don't like.
But I mean, that's kind of counterproductive.
Don't do that.
Yeah, that doesn't seem like a great idea.
This episode right here.
This was a piece of shit.
But go to the next episode.
But the rest are pretty good.
We're open to your constructive criticism,
but I mean, maybe you could just send that to us privately.
Yeah, be kind.
And publicize something nice.
Be kind.
It will crush us.
If you have something constructive to say,
DumbDragonPodcast.gmail.com
We'd love to hear it straight from your mouth,
and we can talk to you about it right there.
That would be great.
Contest ends June 30th.
And then we'll be giving away that sweet, sweet book,
which I want to start playing like pronto.
Well, get on it, Russ.
You guys aren't.
I mean, you're on it.
We're in a whole new world.
Whole new world right beside the ocean.
We're so squishy, though.
Right beside the ocean.
Acceptable adventures for level ones in that book?
Yeah, why not?
Oh, OK, yeah, sure.
I want to be a mermaid.
Level ones versus a giant kraken?
Why not?
Exactly.
Any adventure can be for level ones.
It just might be a very short adventure.
This is true.
That's a good point.
This is what happened.
Great.
Contest.
Happening.
Book.
Going to be giving away June 30th.
Share.
Tweet.
Enter.
Love you.
Make it so.
Hugs.
Let's get to the rest of that episode.
We'll talk to you next week.
Outer loon, outer loon.
This is the song for the outer loot.
Perfect.
Three Azimar and a T-Fling are sent to a strange new world on a divine mission.
Trouble is, when they arrive, none of them can remember what the mission is,
and only one of them has any interest in the god that sent them.
Join Briathos, Spizdira, Kit, Flick, and DM Jazzy Hands as they play Matchmaker with Kobolds,
assassinate Yuan-T political figures, and completely, if accidentally,
disrupt the delicate equilibrium of the world they found themselves in.
Reviewers call it a patchwork of beautiful storytelling,
immersive roleplay, and a healthy sprinkling of humorous banter.
The Last Refuge is a weekly D&D actual play podcast set in a completely original world.
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Happy gaming, y'all.
Moot.
Where were you heading?
I was headed to maybe find Gabriel, who should be near the House of Knowledge.
Or at least that's where he used to live.
You get directions to the House of Knowledge.
And you find your way there.
Totally fine.
You pass by the prison that you had passed by before,
where you'd heard somebody yelling up top.
And you hear, coming from there,
how many more things do you have up your butt?
I just increase my tempo a little bit as I'm walking.
You pass by plenty of people, all different races and social statuses.
And you make it to the location where you were told
you would find the House of Knowledge on the southern side of Neverwinter.
So it is a large, very decorative architecture of this house.
And by house, I mean it is a large facility.
Like more of a school-sized building than just a house.
Is there just like a door or a gate or anything I can go knock on?
You can go right up to the front door.
A few steps to get up to the main front entrance
is a big large red wood door.
I'm going to use the ornate knocker that's on the door.
Give it a couple one, two, threes.
And then call out, hello, House of Knowledge?
I'd like some knowledge.
A moment passes and you hear some footsteps on the other side.
And the door swings open and there is a very skinny
older man dressed in a very clean-cut tuxedo.
And he says, can I help you?
Yes, I'm looking for Mr. Gabriel.
Do you know if he's still here?
Gabriel hasn't been here in much time.
If you're looking for Gabriel, I'm sure you're of the highest character.
No, if you were to find him, perhaps the Fallen Tower or some other hole.
Did you say hole?
Yes, yes, hole.
He could be in a hole.
Does he enjoy being in holes?
No, no, he does not enjoy being in hole.
He might enjoy being in a hole.
Because he's been cast out from everywhere that he's stepped into.
Oh, so not an actual hole.
You just mean like a crummy place to be.
A crummy place to be, yes.
A place of which is looked down upon by people of higher status.
A hole.
Okay, got it.
I thought we had some man gopher thing going on here.
I didn't know what was happening.
It's been a while since I've seen him.
Maybe he has turned himself into a gopher using his wild magic.
Oh yeah, the wild magics.
That's why I want to see him.
Check the Fallen Tower.
Okay, I just like bound off the stairs.
Do I know where the Fallen Tower is?
I assume I did.
You walked past it.
Perfect.
Probably both ways, going to and from Nogwoods.
So yeah, you make your way back there.
And just like the previous time, there are people in all states of happy.
Some are less happy.
They're very angry.
I don't know.
How much experience does Mood have with alcohol and people drinking?
I mean that one dude had like moonshine in their village, didn't he?
Yeah.
So I think he's been around it.
Sure.
Okay, yeah.
These people appear intoxicated.
Some severely.
I'm gonna keep a wide berth of these people while I make my way to the Fallen Tower.
You step in and it is a bustling tavern.
The tower itself is a black stone that has fallen into the streets.
Looks like when it did fall, it knocked down several buildings
and barricades and walls around it.
But the remains of the tower have been turned into this warm and rich tavern.
You walk in, it's quite full.
There is a bar off to your left and further into the building.
There are a couple of empty tables, but it's pretty packed right now.
It's getting to be kind of evening hour.
Can I make my way over to the bar,
see if I can grab the bartender's ear for a second?
You do, he's currently serving somebody else.
All right, I give it a sec till he's ready to go
and then I catch his eye and say,
oh, barkeep, I was wondering if you could answer a question or two for me?
He walks over and says, what, what, how old are you?
Old enough to be here.
All right, what can I do for you?
I was curious, do you know of a man named Gabriel?
Gabriel, yeah, yeah, I know a guy named Gabriel.
What do you want with Gabriel?
He's a wizard of some sorts?
Yeah, you can say that.
I was wondering if maybe you could,
if he's here, if you could point him out to me
or if maybe you could tell me where I can find him?
Um, yeah, he's here.
He points over your shoulder kind of to the back of the room.
There is a very disheveled looking
man, long, long, bushy, unkempt beard,
kind of torn and tattered tunic and cloak around himself.
Looks like he is kind of head in arm, pint in hand,
people kind of moving around him.
There's a waitress who's picking up some of the empty glasses around him.
Says that's, that's Gabriel.
Oh, oh, all right, thanks.
One final question for you.
Why did you decide to call it the Fallen Tower?
It's a tower that's fallen.
Oh, so it's like the literal thing.
What? Yeah.
Okay.
Cool.
And then he just walks away.
You walk, push to make your way through the crowd.
You bump into a few people as they're
kind of moving to go get more drinks and talking with their friends.
I tap this disheveled looking man on the shoulder and say, hello, Gabriel?
He doesn't move.
I give him a little shake.
Are you, are you Gabriel?
He kind of grumbles from underneath his cloak and beard.
Do you know, you can't really, you can't really quite make out what, what he said,
but you can tell that he's, he's breathing it alive at this point.
I pull up the chair across the table from him and say, I've been all over town looking for you.
Can I, can we chat for a minute or two?
He, you see a big hand kind of slam down on the table in front of you
and he kind of lifts himself up and his beard is like pressed into his face as he lifts
and says, what are you looking for me for?
Well, I was looking for you.
I went to, I went to Nogwood's to, to see if they could maybe teach me a thing or two,
but then I was talking to the boy and she said to come find you,
something about, and she wouldn't be able to teach me anything
cause I have wild magic in me.
And she said, you might know something.
Yeah, I know things.
So you want to teach her.
I mean, yeah, I, I would love to just like understand what's going on with this,
with this magic.
You tell me what's going on.
Well, see, I don't know.
That's why I came to find you.
What can I teach you if I don't know what you want?
Well, I was told you did some studying of a wild magic.
So I figured you might know something.
Well, there is wild magic.
Do you have wild magic?
Yeah, that's, can I get you a coffee or something?
No, I'm fine.
Well, how do I know if I can teach you
if I don't know if you actually have wild magic?
You show me your wild magic first.
Well, I, I don't, I don't really know if it works that way for me.
I, Zavoy had this like, she painted this kind of scene.
It seemed very vivid in my mind.
And then I ended up casting a spell and she had it in this like energy field.
And she said I had wild magic.
And then she turned it into butterflies.
It's all very confusing.
She's showing off is what she's doing.
He kind of leans back and stretches and his shirt untucks
and his belly just kind of rolls out from his shirt.
And he kind of brushes his beard down off of his face and pulls it down.
So you're a sorcerer then?
Hey, I don't, I, I don't know.
Where are you from, boy?
A small village where a bunch of half-orcs lived.
Wasn't a lot of magics there, was there?
No, that's, that's kind of why I ended up leaving.
It was, everyone was a little bit afraid after I cast a spell, I guess.
Yep, I heard that before.
Really?
You get a lot of half-orcs who have wild magic in them coming to find you?
Not the precise, not the precise story, my boy.
It's just, it's just the general people scared of magic.
The real magic, not that book magic where you gotta like remember everything.
It's just the magic where you tap into it and you can just do it.
Yeah, see, I would love to know how to do that so I don't hurt anyone.
I can't guarantee you won't hurt anyone.
Well, just, I just don't want to hurt anyone unintentionally.
So you want to hurt people, is that what you're saying?
No.
You just said you don't want to do it unintentionally,
which implies that you want to do it intentionally.
Who are we hurting here?
Well, I mean, if the need arose, then sure, I just don't want there to be any accidents.
Speaking of accidents, I have to take a leak.
I'll be back, you get me another drink.
He gets up and he makes his way to the back of the tavern.
I try to catch the barkeep's eye and ask him for a coffee.
Black, extra hot.
Is this for you or for Gabriel?
It's for Gabriel.
I think he needs it.
He's gonna get real mad if this is in front of him.
I'm just warning you.
Okay, what should I, what should I get him?
He passes you two drinks.
He passes you a pint of ale and a larger pint of, this is water.
Tell him it's the good stuff.
It'll probably work at this point.
I appreciate that.
I don't think he needs any more of this other stuff.
Well, good luck with that.
You see Gabriel come back out and he's walking toward, back towards the table.
I got you the special reserve that they keep in the back.
It's the good stuff, according to the bartender.
He looks at it and he's like, it's about time he's serving up the good stuff.
Yeah, drink up.
He takes a huge swig and like three large gulps downs it.
It tastes like water every time.
Oh, you got something else there too?
I got just this beer that I've been sipping on.
Fair enough.
Sits back down.
You hear the chair kind of creak underneath him.
I've been cast out by Nogwoods.
I've been cast out by the House of Knowledge
because they don't feel that the magic that you're trying to tell me that you can do
haven't shown me yet.
I don't know how.
I get it.
Don't worry about it.
I've been cast out because I put too much time into studying that.
Well, wouldn't you like that time and effort to maybe be helpful to someone?
Yeah.
Yeah, there was a time.
What about now?
You can help me.
I'm right here.
I see you.
I could probably help you.
I mean, I don't know what we're dealing with here.
How many times have you cast your spells?
Two times.
But very recently.
Nothing, no inkling of magic before that.
And what happened, you might have told me.
I forgot.
What happened when your spells happened the first time?
Well, my family was being attacked and I kind of shot this freezing beam out of my hands
and then I did it again with Zavoy.
Right.
So you like it cold.
Okay.
I don't know.
I'm too drunk to teach you right now.
Okay, yep, that checks.
I think I can teach you.
At least if we can make this happen again.
If we can't, well, obviously I can't teach you
because it doesn't work.
But if we can make it happen again, we can see what we're dealing with.
Okay, can I find you somewhere tomorrow?
Yep.
I'll probably be here.
Maybe come by a little earlier in the day.
Yeah, I was going to say early is probably a good call.
Yeah, I'll be here like noon.
Okay, yeah, I'll go hunker down for the night
and I'll be back at noon and I'll get the barkeep to drop off some more of the good stuff for you.
Tell him to bring the better stuff.
Well, he'll bring you what he brings you.
Yeah, that's fine.
I'll go get it myself.
Okay, perfect.
Yeah.
I guess it was a pleasure to meet you, Gabriel.
Pleasure to meet you.
What was your name?
Name's Moot.
Moot.
Funny name.
Thank you.
You're welcome.
He gets up and he moves back towards the tavern tomorrow.
Noon.
Barkeep.
Dust myself off and head back to Nogwoods, I guess.
You head back out into the streets and you head directly back towards Nogwoods?
Yeah.
You leave the Fallen Tower and where you would turn left to go to Nogwoods, you hear
a large caravan pulling into Neverwinter off to the side.
There's lots of wagons coming in and you see all sorts of people just kind of at,
just kind of, it catches your eye.
Some of them are wearing very fine robes and then you see a lizard-looking creature,
shining scales.
It's nighttime now.
The moon is starting to rise and it catches your eye,
the shine that comes off of especially the platinum scales.
Can I be like, looking at this dragonborn and like,
walk into a barrel or something and cause a lot of noise?
Make a, make a wisdom, you make a wisdom saving roll.
Glenn, you make a perception check.
That's an eight.
Nine.
Made for each other.
So yeah, you catch, you're watching as this, you see this dragonborn,
something you've never seen before and you do walk into a person who has passed out in the
street and you trip over top of them making a pretty significant ruckus and Glim, you hear this
off to the side and you see a tall half-orc kind of looking your direction as he's just
falling onto the ground, not really putting his hands out to save himself as he hits the ground.
How far away is he from me?
A block, maybe.
Okay, I think I would go over.
Like, do you need help?
And try and like, help him up.
Uh, yeah.
Are you okay?
Did you have too much to drink?
Like this guy, this drunk we're standing over that just like, reeks, I guess.
Just tripped on him.
I only had a couple of sips.
I'm sorry, I didn't mean to stare.
I've just, I've never, I've never, I've never seen anything like you before.
Oh, um, well, you know, I just left where I came from not very long ago and I found
that this is happening a little bit.
Where I'm from, everyone looks like this.
I'm a dragonborn.
My name's, my name's Glim.
I reach my hand out.
I, uh, take her hand.
Uh, well, it's very, it's very nice to meet you, Glim.
I'm, uh, I'm Moot.
Nice to meet you, Moot.
Are you from around here?
Uh, no, no, I, uh, I came, I came here to see if I could learn about magic.
Oh, cool.
Are you a magician or a sorcerer or a wizard or something?
Uh, I, that's what some people are telling me.
I'm, I'm not really sure yet.
I guess there's something called, like, wild magic and I've got it in me and,
I don't know, it's all very confusing at the moment.
Huh.
That sounds pretty cool, though.
I, I guess so.
I, I just, I, I don't know, it's so crazy.
I'm supposed to go for training tomorrow, though, so I better go get some sleep.
It's nice to meet you.
Nice to meet you, Moot.
And I take off back to Nogwood.
And Glim, you see, uh, Moot run off into the opposite way that you have come in and
now you are standing in Neverwinter.
It's late.
You're standing outside of the, what you don't know is the Fallen Tower.
It looks like a Fallen Tower.
You could probably figure that out more than Moot can.
And, uh, there is a large ruckus of people kind of coming in and out of the Fallen
Tower.
But you have made it to Neverwinter.
Something makes up.
I'm sorry for doing so.
He didn't get any.
Insultful.
He's sort of standard schooling.
He's from the streets.
At the cults.
Like, it just wasn't, book learning was just a priority.
A fork.
Yeah, I'm trying to decide which way would have been better to put it in.
Neither.
They're both terrible.
They're both terrible options.
All the tongs, the prongs, were bent, like, inwards.
That's what I meant.
The tongs, the prongs.
The tong prongs.
It's got away from me.
You don't say.
In a really big way.
He already was like, didn't really want to be your friend and now it's like,
I don't care.
Yeah, yeah.
You, uh, you get vague, or not vague, you get appropriate directions.
Why would they give you vague directions?
That doesn't seem very helpful.
Eh, it's over there a ways.
Eh, it's fine.
Yeah, you'll get there.
When the three of us come together.
It's gonna be amazing.
Something somewhere is gonna explode.
It's just gonna be too much.
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